Desolation that the reason refuses

Desolation that the reason refuses
She is a schoolmate at the same level in three years of our high school, pass a secluded lane like me while leaving school, she walks in the front, the shape shadow is weak. Later, I hospital in provincial capital see she, whom white overall drift seem to find the body, the face is smaller. A lot of shy patients pop one's head to look at in the consulting room side by side of gynaecology and obstetrics, what the one that ends want to say to woman doctor with cold and detached this expression. Spreading out a big and thick specialized book in front of her. She has smiled when saw me, the corner of the mouth is gentle and aslant, the appearance that a wave circulates moves me, she calls me " Hey " . She took sleeping pill of enough quantity, died at last this time. I answer one irrelevant telephone of person know death of her in bright and beautiful a morning. A next sun of one was incomparably magnificent those days, smelt omnipresently and dark and gloomy in I was vivid in flower and that of green grass. Her prudent parents go to the provincial capital " Preside over " The daughter's funeral affairs, said nothing, flee in panic. They are not worth mentioning inside the fixed interpersonal circle this lifetime, only the daughter is their honor. Their meticulous flaunting her, do one's utmost to catch to admire very much and fill in petty and low heart from any silk that is revealed in others' eyes once in a while. Now, how do they conduct oneself? Health of her, all thing, burn first fire, the ashes leaves outside people's visual field. And then, that all kinds of of large hospital show in staff's ownership and documents pouch of the identity, that one of hers is releasing hurriedly, personnel data Curry's relevant data processed into " one " ,Then delete. The filling in of a pension and funeral expenses application material, have cancelled one tangibly and colouredly, vivid and substantial person: The name, age, the native place, these columns only let people sigh with deep feeling, but there are " death reasons " ,It is the fee that hesitates: "Commit suicide? " What is so shocking! "Then, died of illness. " If we these people who do not want death to fear death calculate that is not the disease, the person who wants to die so is sick naturally, already committing suicide, the tunnel has been that the condition breaks out. Moreover, say in the testament which she printed in the mechanical boldface of the fourth: Don't rescue me. " die of illness " It is really apt. Wanting the person who die will die eventually, break through hard and dangerously, urge all kindred to stay, the treatment and cure of humanitarianism, all become hinders. After the night shift happened in one day of 2000, she cut the wrist in the dormitory, has been brought back to life quickly, melancholia was announced to the world from then on. Since for a long time, the door leading to her heart has been closed tightly all the time, refuse to exchange a few words of greetings and show loving care for, and smiling face, the activity in the crowd. At that time, it happened that she said good-bye to boyfriend. Has committed suicide and has not let boyfriends turn round, he is tired of keeping the ceaseless silence of the stone. She is withered in people's increasingly far eyes. That long night dying, what kind of agony she has gone through. As that one of shes wall through colleague say returning like nightmare so far, her enduring the outdated printer that treats coldly to the fullest extent and sneering and gripping sending out sharp making a sound creakily slowly of characters on eve meeting accident, real mood, feel, thought, will of one the intersection of the rotation and whereabouts enters the dust from the standing of top of the head. Nobody saw and heard someone's difficult walking in attending the dead end. Do business, act the official, go to school, the love, go to Tibet to see cloth Damien and Laszo. Bungee jumping, people are shaking hands with the life closely through various things. She sits alone, heart is bearing the weight of the boundless darkness, and sunk. The person seeing a doctor to the hospital, they feel the agony of the body, the agony can be expressed, can turn into the data to reveal on the instrument, such a patient has a kind of right, can ask for and look after, sympathize with and love, does not still turn out desperate. Would rather be with such a formal pain. She comes from the more easily infected group of one - -One and unlucky person make up cold and detached more easily infected group more a life with mental patient, psychological obstacle person, they in running that concert appear on the stage behind the front desk, smiling like being in profusion even just, it is a repeatly dim light, the crying of a sound of loudspeakers, an expression in one's eyes of moving swiftly turns and has not piled up that fragile tiny place in the heart with the huge solid rock dissolved in a moment, and the one that bring out and subvert life and faith " Coup " . Nobody regards them as the patient, but they are the real " different class " in the crowd . People, before death behind the death, the east of the sun rise west set. Originally thought, the best if alive. Now, I not only fear death, and is afraid of alive.

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